I am not particularly clever.\u00a0 I have almost no qualifications.\u00a0 I have never studied anything in depth. My only consolation is that Winston Churchill also claimed he was a complete duffer at school!\u00a0 I once said, in the presence of my father, \u201cI don\u2019t like working\u201d!\u00a0 Although he smiled forcefully at that moment, he was outraged, and let me know the extent of his wrath later when the company had left.<\/p>\n
I did end up working hard most of my life.\u00a0 I never learnt much about anything.\u00a0 I always had a tendency, if I didn\u2019t know something, just to make up an answer!\u00a0 It never really mattered much to me.\u00a0\u00a0 Knowledge to me seemed pointless, a rose by any other name…, it still does.\u00a0 As life does.\u00a0 I don’t mean that in some despondent depressive way either.\u00a0 It’s just that I never really saw the point of it.\u00a0 There are people in this world who have done amazing things, truly fulfilling a purpose, my father was one of them!\u00a0 I sometimes wish that I had been smarter, applied myself more to one thing or another.\u00a0 But somewhere along the line I lost sight of something that I’d never even seen and so became truly lost, directionless, adrift.\u00a0 But strangely, it felt good!<\/p>\n
I remember one time, I was about seven or eight.\u00a0 I was on the bus with my mother on our way to Edgware from Hendon where we lived.\u00a0 I don\u2019t recall the circumstances exactly but I must have been messing about, swinging on those poles that connected the seats from floor to ceiling.\u00a0 My Mum said to stop doing that and settle down, \u201c… or you might hurt yourself\u201d!\u00a0 I remember very clearly my response.\u00a0 I said, \u201cI\u2019m not afraid to die\u201d!\u00a0 Needless to say my Mum was enraged!\u00a0 \u201cDon\u2019t you dare say that\u201d!\u00a0 and \u201cWhat are you talking about\u201d! and \u201cDon\u2019t be so stupid\u201d!\u00a0 Or words to that effect.\u00a0 But, you know, I meant it.\u00a0 Don’t ask me why an eight year old who is full of life in a happy home should come out with something like that, but I did, not in some depressive, oh, I hate life kind of way but more, I know where I came from is a beautiful place and I don\u2019t mind going back there!<\/p>\n
That was the beginning for me.\u00a0 And the rest of my life hinged on the notion that I would try and make the best of it, let it be as long as possible, because it’s all just the blink of an eye, but I’ll be glad when it’s over and I can “go home!”<\/p>\n
I don’t pretend that I’m some super hero that’s unafraid of death.\u00a0 Most likely I’ll be as scared as the next person when it comes to it, but I don’t think anyone really knows how they feel about it until that day arrives that you know it will shortly be over.<\/p>\n
Because of my lack of knowledge, know-how or ability to judge things correctly I’ve always had a tendency towards reckless abandonment.\u00a0 Saying or doing outrageous things just to get a shock reaction.<\/p>\n
I have always had a deep love for animals.\u00a0 A passion that possesses me to this day.\u00a0 I cannot bear to see an animal suffer.\u00a0 I feel the pain like a knife in my heart and want to kill the person responsible. I lose sleep over this.\u00a0 Although I always try to find the best in people, always try to leave a person feeling better about themselves, even to the point of self-sacrifice, I despair for humanity.\u00a0 We are weak, lazy and greedy.\u00a0 Men more than women.\u00a0 Some try harder than others.\u00a0 But, as Arnie said in Judgement Day, “…it is in our nature to destroy ourselves”!\u00a0 I hope that this is true because at least this will give the animals and the planet a fighting chance against our relentless disruption, interference and destruction and callous disregard for any life, even our own.<\/p>\n
I have always been what the Americans call, “a sucker for the underdog”!\u00a0 By this I mean I have always empathized with the poor, the weak and the down-trodden.\u00a0 This was always a frustration because my upbringing gave me the potential to do something about it through education, professionalism and high earnings.\u00a0 But because I myself was always insolvent there was little I felt I could do about the plight of others.\u00a0 A friend asked me once, “…do you know what the real difference is between rich and poor?”\u00a0 I mused but could not really think of an answer.\u00a0 She said “Ok, I’ll tell you, if your poor people don’t listen to you.”\u00a0 I felt the sting of truth in what she said and resonated with it.\u00a0 Money talks!\u00a0 We are judged by it. Such is the world that without it we are worthless.<\/p>\n
Even from a very young age I never placed much value on things.\u00a0 Material things I mean.\u00a0 I had toys of course, and later a bike and a car but I think the thing I wanted most was independence and freedom.\u00a0 Had I been more sensible and used the intelligence I inherited I might have qualified, made some real money and then gone off-grid, and learned to live with nature.\u00a0 But I didn’t and I think because I didn’t, my focus switched to a desire for spiritual freedom.<\/p>\n
At 18 years of age I read a book gifted to me called “You – Forever” by T Lobsang Rampa.\u00a0 It talked about the Astral Body, Dreams, Spiritual Projection.\u00a0 I was enthralled and couldn’t put the book down. It was a spiritual awakening!\u00a0 I started to focus on dreaming.\u00a0 Following the instructions from the book and positioning myself in bed at night, breathing, imagining, then falling asleep.\u00a0 Soon the experiences began.\u00a0 I was leaving my body, and saw myself lying in bed.\u00a0 I was floating up by the ceiling moving across the room and it wasn’t long before I ventured outdoors.\u00a0 It was the most remarkable and exciting thing that ever happened to me, and remains so to this day.\u00a0 Sometimes I would float just above the ground, lightly brushing myself along the pavement with my hands, or rising high among the treetops, and, looking down could often see people, walking about.\u00a0 I wondered, why can’t they see me,\u00a0 I am here and quite clear.\u00a0 Some people looked up, right at me but did not show any sign of seeing me.\u00a0 But it didn’t matter, I was experiencing something that I never knew was possible and I knew there was much more to it.\u00a0 Sometimes I would fly pretty high and worried myself thinking, “if I wake up suddenly I am going to fall.”\u00a0 But that never happened.<\/p>\n
My flying experiences were fairly frequent but there were times when I couldn’t get up there, I couldn’t escape my body and I missed not having complete control. I was afraid my ethereal sorjourns would stop altogether.\u00a0 I wanted to know how to just switch them on and off. Unfortunately, I never really learned to do that.\u00a0 I ventured far in some of my astral travels.\u00a0 Into space or close to it.\u00a0 One time I remember soaring high above a road viaduct that seemed to project high into the sky.\u00a0 Was this real?\u00a0 It certainly felt like it.\u00a0 But no one would believe me.\u00a0 I knew that.\u00a0 They’d probably say, “Oh, you were just dreaming.”\u00a0 And oddly, I didn’t want to tell anyone because I wanted these experiences to be real.\u00a0 I didn’t want to be persuaded that I was just dreaming.\u00a0 This is the first time I have openly mentioned it.\u00a0 These amazing experiences triggered my curiosity for the real meaning of life.<\/p>\n
I felt deep inside that my life extended way before my birth and would continue way beyond my death.\u00a0 For a while I basked in a sense of spiritual superiority.\u00a0 But actually what I had discovered was something that every human being has the opportunity to discover for themselves.<\/p>\n
How have we become so narrow visioned?\u00a0 We are all victims of marketing that has played upon our weaknesses, our complacent and slothful desire for convenience.\u00a0 We are brainwashed!\u00a0 To me, one of the greatest tragedies of this new millenium is our loss of individuality.<\/p>\n
In my failing to embrace any worthwhile line of work or study, I had to bolster up my worldly credibility, hide the reality of what might be seen as a wasted life, so I became a sort of “pretender”.\u00a0 Supported by a modicum of good-looks which I exploited to the extreme, I shored up a shaky self-esteem and bluffed my way through life.\u00a0 I knew that people mostly liked to talk about themselves or the things that they are interested in so I remained quiet and patiently listened, but often, not hearing or remembering much that I had just been told.\u00a0 It wasn’t lack of interest.\u00a0 Often it was my hearing that let me down and I simply didn’t own up to it.\u00a0 This would sometimes catch me out, hit with a surprise question requiring more than just a yes or no I didn’t know what to say!\u00a0 I felt foolish.\u00a0 I would often shrink myself, erroneously thinking that others would be more comfortable with me!\u00a0 So whilst trying to project an image of confidence and being on-track, I was actually the complete opposite and I would often expose this with a glaring faux pas.<\/p>\n
My search for truth and the awakening of my astral body was profound and at the forefront of my mind for years.\u00a0 I looked for that depth in everyone I would meet and found myself drawn more to female company, and though I would always make friends with everyone I met, I felt lost and weak among men because for some reason I could not share with them that which was most important to me.\u00a0 Broaching an esoteric subject with most males was nearly always met with rebuttal and derision.\u00a0 Women were more receptive.<\/p>\n
Over the passage of years that followed I drifted.\u00a0 Worked hard, played hard.\u00a0 I remained deeply interested in the pursuit of spiritual growth, Ramtha, Alan Watts, Chuan Tzu, I Ching, Bhagwaan Shree Rashneesh, Sai Baba, and many more, illuminated my path and nurtured my soul.\u00a0\u00a0 I came to Buddhism because it’s doctrine sounded more like a way of life than a religion; the “four noble truths” existence is suffering; suffering has a cause, namely craving and attachment; the cessation of suffering, which is nirvana or heaven; and the path to the cessation of suffering which lay in love and forgiveness and overcoming ego.<\/p>\n
It sounded easy!\u00a0 I can forgive and I can certainly love, I’m a “sucker for the underdog”, remember?\u00a0 What I failed to realize was that my ego was in full control.\u00a0\u00a0 It fought my better judgement, it questioned my decisions, it second guessed my choices.\u00a0 It fills my mind with distractions and worst of all it could possess my persona and instill pride and self-adulation.\u00a0 It is very hard to control and I wonder what life would be like without it.\u00a0 That perhaps by purging the ego all else would follow, understanding and spiritual liberation.<\/p>\n
You cannot argue with someone who starts a sentence with “I believe…!” Actually I don’t like the word because it imposes limits.\u00a0 I feel more comfortable just believing in myself and my own limitless potential than some external deity that has control over my destiny. For example, were I to hold with Jehovah’s Witness\u00a0 would I really pass the fate of my child over to a god for the sake of a blood transfusion?\u00a0 By the same token, would I refuse to give blood to save a life?<\/p>\n
What to me is more important than blind belief is what I know to be real. Love, compassion, forgiveness and integrity are values that are very real.\u00a0 They are acts of giving.\u00a0 They are a shield\u00a0 against the vicissitudes of life. There is nothing more rewarding than the feeling that you have made even a small difference in someone’s life, contributed something, even minor that they instantly value and take stock of.\u00a0 We and our planet would be saved if we all lived these four qualities.<\/p>\n
Here we are, close to the end of the first quarter of the 21st century and humans are more disconnected than ever.\u00a0\u00a0 Blaming this on technology is easy, but it is not technology itself that has come to rule our lives but our allowing it to!\u00a0 We have placed our trust and our fate into the hands of those who would sell it back to us a little bit at a time. That over time institutionalizes our loss of independence, making it acceptable, in turn creating a world where the very idea of independence and indeed our own uniqueness, no longer has a place. The spiritual bond of community now replaced by imitation of each other, having what our neighbour has to make ourselves feel sociable, normal, safe!<\/p>\n
We are a species burdened with language.\u00a0 A million words and a zillion combinations, will we ever find the right ones that resonate in perfect harmony, or explain with absolute clarity the reason for our existence, our true purpose. We are beset with a thousand external influences from the moment we awake, and every day we miss our chance just to be, to rest our mind, to let go of everything, to awaken to our own greatness and understand the essence of our existence.\u00a0 To reach that moment of freedom, that infinite moment when the mind is still and we are unencumbered. How that fleeting moment of reverie yields so quickly and easily to a life of diversion.<\/p>\n
When I was young, things were made to last.\u00a0 Craftsmen took pride in their work.\u00a0 There was no plastic, it had not yet been developed. If something broke we would have it repaired and it probably would last another 20 years or more.\u00a0 The world seemed so much more cohesive then.\u00a0 Life was harder I think in many ways but as a child I took it for granted that people cared.\u00a0 We had to entertain ourselves with make-believe,\u00a0 and imagination,\u00a0 We looked each other in the eyes when we talked. We relied on each other.\u00a0 We knew the neighborhood.\u00a0 The community looked out for the children, and when someone died, everyone felt it.<\/p>\n
Perhaps I am different, I hope so.\u00a0 But being different can be a difficult thing to live with today. \u00a0People are not always comfortable with you, some are even afraid.\u00a0 Some are fascinated but keep their distance and I have often been misunderstood.<\/p>\n
Beliefs are arbitrary, the thin and delicate fabric upon which we depend, and so we build and grow our life according to them.\u00a0 It is speculative, unstable and dangerous.\u00a0 The world is deeply and irreversibly troubled by false and misguided beliefs that are cultured and hewn into society to accommodate lifestyle and convenience, and to bolster credibility, and redemption for acts that hurt humans and other living things.\u00a0 Such as the soldier who heralds God on his side as he kills his fellow man!\u00a0 Humanity teeters on the edge on a vast chasm that is bottomless and dark.\u00a0 And into this we will most certainly fall if we continue to ignore the fundamental rules by which we choose to live based on our beliefs. The apocalyptic demise of the human spirit.\u00a0 The numbness that today permeates society in which we have no real control over ourselves anymore.\u00a0 George Gurdjieff taught that most humans do not possess a unified consciousness and thus live their lives in a state of hypnotic “waking sleep”, and that although it is possible to awaken to a higher state of consciousness and achieve full human potential, warned that if this fails or isn’t even attempted, then the spirit dissipates into the anonymity<\/span> of the ether.<\/p>\n Religion, finance, health, children, marriage, there isn’t any aspect of life that doesn’t draw from us some belief that positions us where we want to stand in relation to it.\u00a0 Often that position is chosen not based on any real, altruistic view but on a reactive or self-serving one, and often rooted in fear and playing safe through imitation.\u00a0 It takes courage to speak the truth, to be original and risk being laughed at.\u00a0 To break away from what society regards as normal and say, out loud, this is not for me anymore. To sacrifice openly that which makes us comfortable.\u00a0 Not just the fear of being laughed at, losing friends, angering others, being outcast, but the fear within of breaking out of a long-established safe haven, exposing our vulnerability, facing uncharted territory, denying the mythical truths learned from those we once loved, those who cared for us, looked out for and protected us and shaped our worlds.\u00a0 Perhaps we are at that crossroads where that long-established life we have always taken for granted has to be broken down piece by piece until there is nothing left except a great big empty space for a new beginning.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I am not particularly clever.\u00a0 I have almost no qualifications.\u00a0 I have never studied anything in depth. My only consolation is that Winston Churchill also claimed he was a complete duffer at school!\u00a0 I once said, in the presence of my father, \u201cI don\u2019t like working\u201d!\u00a0 Although he smiled forcefully at that moment, he was…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[40],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1583","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-personal"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/innerpieces.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1583","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/innerpieces.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/innerpieces.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/innerpieces.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/innerpieces.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1583"}],"version-history":[{"count":13,"href":"https:\/\/innerpieces.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1583\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1848,"href":"https:\/\/innerpieces.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1583\/revisions\/1848"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/innerpieces.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1583"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/innerpieces.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1583"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/innerpieces.net\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1583"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}